Organization is Sexy
Use design elements to your advantage by eliminating stressors that hit the brakes on intimacy. If you can’t focus on your work in a messy environment, the same might go for getting in the mood. Creating an organizational system might help your mind stay focused and when your room is free from clutter it can also leave more space for both physical and emotional connection. If seeing visual clutter distracts you, use baskets or storage with lids so that room looks more put together. Many people who have larger accessories for sex keep them in a bench that doubles as storage at the foot of the bed. We even use this trick at Losti to store our larger kink gear. Plus, this bench totally doubles as sex furniture, which is a win in our book.
Utilize your nightstand to its full potential, as having your sexy essentials on hand in a secure place helps everything go smoothly. If you have minimal space keeping a small divider or compartment for personal lubricant is an excellent place to start. Using a cute dish or compartment for condoms is also effective at reminding you when you need a refill. Some nightstand drawers can be used to store cables for your favorite sex toys neatly, but for those of us with smaller spaces, a desk drawer or under-bed storage is an unsuspecting place to keep all of our accessories and their chargers. If you’re an avid toy collector, labeling your cords with a sticker can seriously reduce stress too.
Keep on Buzzing
As a sex educator, my nightstand includes: my favorite lubes in their compartment, my go-to toys at the moment with their cords in the drawer, a small ceramic dish filled with condoms next to my lamp, and my favorite massage oil for easy access. I also keep some other accessories in a drawer under my bed (hello, handcuffs), and a mesh pouch I toss my toys in can tote to the bathroom to scrub. Of course, I consider myself the Marie Kondo of sex toy organization, but using any of these small elements can help you stay focused on the moment instead of wondering, wait… did wash this vibrator?
If you find you often forget to charge your favorite toys, keeping a small cord keeper next to your bed might help to avoid those disappointing moments where we’re almost there… then the battery dies. A waterproof or mesh pouch for keeping your toys in (dirty or clean!) might freshen things up and avoid the last-minute searching, and it may remind you to wash your toys before your next use so you can stay ready.
Indulge in Sensations
When it comes to building intimacy, it is essential to provide sensations that will heighten both your comfort and excitement. Invest in sheets that provide some extra support, whether that means a luxurious satin, an easily refreshed cotton, or some extra durable sheets. If this is a big investment, go for comfort and cleanliness for daily use and keep a luxurious set for special occasions or date nights. If you’re into kinky play that might make a mess like candlewax, oil, water, etc. you might want to lay down a vinyl sheet beforehand. Details will play a huge role as well, so even a pair of satin pillowcases or installing a dimmer on your bedroom light can make the world of a difference. Using warm, low light often makes people feel less vulnerable, perfect for being naked and those deep pillow talks. Use scents to engage your senses, like a candle or room spray that you both find interesting but not distracting. Some notorious sexy scents include sandalwood, jasmine, and vanilla. Massage oils that pair nicely with the scent can make your skin soft and inviting as well. Setting up electric candles inside of chic holders can make mood lighting easy, without the need to worry about refills!
Many couples find that their busy schedules can create some distance between their intimacy at the end of the day when the bedroom feels more like a place to crash. Utilize visual reminders, whether it’s leaving a sexy polaroid in their nightstand drawer, or a note on their pillow. Hanging up photos of your joyful and exciting memories, like an adventurous vacation, can also remind each other how much fun you have together. Hanging up an erotic work of art, even if it’s abstract or subtle, can also act as a visual reminder. Pick out a piece of art together that you both feel represents your sexual chemistry, and hang it in a place you can both admire.
If stress gets in the way of your sex life, make your bedroom into a sanctuary. Use colors that soothe you, keep an organization system in place, and aim for utmost comfort when choosing your bedroom layout. If you’re stuck in a sex rut, try adding elements of decor that can add an element of exploration. Try adding a mirror next to where you want to get intimate- perhaps in a place, you can both see a great view from your favorite positions. You can also add an element of voyeurism by staging a mirror so that only one of you can see- play around with the options, and don’t be afraid to get creative. There’s a reason why mirrored ceilings are a cliche in films- watching from different angles can add another element to your sex life.
Birna Gustafsson, Sex Educator